We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
