I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
