i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
