I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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