porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
