I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
