Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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