just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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