she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
