We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
