Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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