Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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