On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
