do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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