pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
