I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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