We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
