my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
