Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize