new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
