His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
