Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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