my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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