i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
