are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
