He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
