please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize