That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
