and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
