I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize