Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
