I must be too annoying 4 u.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
