My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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