Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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