did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize