What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
