That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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