pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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