pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
