Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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