I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
