things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
