Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
