i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
