you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
