Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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