With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
