last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We named our party play list daddy issues
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
