My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize