Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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