so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
