I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
