Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
