We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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