another moral hangover. fuck.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
