I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
