If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
