so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
