The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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