i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
