how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
