there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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