Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
