i may or may not be watching the land before time
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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