dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
