I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
